DOA

Somewhere in the first half of this year I pronounced Eva dead. Because I thought she was in a better place I guess. I started to forget about her until recently. I've been getting some comments on posts that reminded me that this blog, this little piece of me, was still out there. And what I witnessed yesterday made me realize that this girl who has been dreaming for so long is still very present inside me...

So what happened last night? I had to go to this party from a neighbour who turned 50. There were some ex-colleagues from my mom and it's sad to say but the moment I saw this one woman I felt this Pride & Prejudice kinda way. She looked old for a woman who would turn 49 this month, especially standing next to my mother. And the way she looked old was kinda odd... She looked like she had been wandering around for quite some time... drinking. After I heard that her daughter was a nurse (like 3 times) she judged me. I, who have a degree in journalism, and now am studying to become a nurse (yeah, I know it's a shocking turn) would never now what I wanted. I don't hold grudges against people but the moment she got on that chair to dance (read: wave with her arms) I wished she would fall down. 2 minutes later, she did.

Her husband who had been drinking all night too, clearly had no compassion. Instead they started fighting. This scene contrasted hard with the scene on the dance floor where the birthday girl was dancing with her husband. I actually got tears in my eyes (I cry at almost everything lately, it's really pathetic!). But it got me thinking. It reminded me of some quote from SATC (off course).

Does everybody know when it's right? And how would you know? Are there signs? Fireworks? Is it right when it feels comfortable or is comfortable a sign that there aren't any fireworks? Is hesitation a sign that it's not right or is it a sign that you're not ready? In matters of love, how do you know when it's right?

Are they just staying together because in one way or another they are comfortable? Or are they just clueless? Because I sure am. After reading the Twilight books and a lot of chick flicks I've got such high expectations on romance that I probably might be blind when true love would stare me in the face. And although a lot of shit is really corny I can't seem to settle for anything less than butterflies. But did they? Have there ever been fireworks or were they just drinking buddies who were comfortable enough to get married and drink their way through life? I actually can't decide on whether it's pathetic to see 2 people drink and fight all the time or just wonderful that they've find someone who they truly can be themselves with...